Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
