I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
