So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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