Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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