I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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