It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
