I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
