You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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