my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
