dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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