i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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