Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
