To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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