I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
