so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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