I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
