She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
