Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
