To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
