Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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