Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
