Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
