I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
