Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
