I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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