mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
