I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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