Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
