I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Randomize
