If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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