did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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