There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
