new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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