drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
They took my balls.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
