maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
