her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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