i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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