My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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