you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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