I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
