there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
