what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
