Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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