you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
