i permit you to call me
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
