we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
