Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
