There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
