my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
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you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
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Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize