Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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