this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
