i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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