I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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