I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Your penis caused this!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
