Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
