whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
