He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
