and she was petting her beer can
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
