Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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