considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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