I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
