I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
