Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
