i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
