the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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