I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
