im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
