Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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