Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
