You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
