census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
