I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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